At the root of every internal struggle is Self Sabotage. I work with a lot of smart and successful people who say they come to me for fitness and nutrition, but really its to help get them out of their own way. We are our own worst enemies and Self Sabotage is at the crux of it all.
Here are the top 5 most common forms:
- Self Comparison: Self Comparison: This tendency to compare where you are right now, to where you think you should be …which is often arbitrary and fantastical. Like most people will have an end goal in mind for weight loss, will not workout for a long period of time then start and on day 14 compare themselves to where their ultimate goal. Or, you’ll see someone else look a certain way or hear them talk about their progress and compare where you are to where they are .
In this way, you can’t blame people for wanting to stop/not having the time because they feel like its not worth it, again based on an unrealistic comparison rather than build on their progress.
If this is you, start celebrating every small win. Every small thing from setting out your workout clothes, to filling up your water bottle before you go to bed, to a 5 minute workout, parking further away etc,.
Yes, set big goals, but break those goals into bite size chunks that you can accurately measure to monitor progress- NOT go by what you think or what the scale says.
- Incongruence with Self: This is where your expectations don’t match your behaviors. People will set goals based on levels of commitment they are not willing to execute on which often leaves them feeling bad and stopping altogether.
For example, having at least one drink every night but eating “clean” and working out “all the time” and partying on the weekends yet expecting to be at your goal right.
If this is you, have an honest convo with Self. What are you willing to commit to? As long as its more than nothing, than its good! Don’t judge it, just level your expectations.
- Self Limiting Perception: We perceive we are not enough/too busy and accept that as reality. Because of this, you trade short term pleasure for long term pain. Its essentially an unhealthy Self fulfilling prophecy where you act according to the story you tell yourself. The proverbial hamster wheel is so accurate to what most people do…so caught up in cycles that they can only see one foot in front of the next and therefore lose awareness of whats actually possible…hence stuck in their perceptions.
If this is you, draw the line in the stand and step off that damn hamster wheel aka create time, its there, to stop everything, sit in silence and write out where you are in an honest way, where you want to be and what you are willing to do to get there.
- Paralysis by Over Analysis: This often comes in the form of “i can’t fully commit right now because XYZ trip and Sally’s wedding but then after all that…,” OR telling this story that you don’t know what to do/are stuck etc, – it feels easier to make these false statements then it is to commit to action but trust me its not! Every day that goes by, creates a greater level of resentment within your Self (capital S as in Highest Self) and the further you move away from where you want to be.
If this is you, ask yourself: “What is the most basic – simplistic step I can take today that will move me one step closer?”
Keep asking yourself this question until you find something you are willing to do then do it and keep going.
- Self Shame: This is the result of us feeling bad for feeling bad. There is nothing wrong with being a messy human! Everyone is whether you see it or not. Embrace the process by finding ways to better enjoy yourself daily rather than holding yourself to some impossible standard of perfection.
If this is you, give yourself the gift of grace. I like to ask my clients, friends and even myself, would life be better or worse if you / i treated yourself better?